Readers ask, VICE answers. This time you will read about anal sex, sex toys and limits in relationships
IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIMENT WITH SEX TOYS TO MAKE YOUR SEX LIFE MORE INTERESTING, YOU DON’T NECESSARILY NEED TO INVEST MONEY IN THE FIRST PHASE. YOU CAN, FOR EXAMPLE, USE A TIE TO DO A BIT OF BONDAGE OR AN EYE MASK AS A BLINDFOLD. PHOTO BY DAINIS GRAVERIS VIA PEXELS
The answers below were provided by Kitty Rea, intimacy coach and founder of Influx, the first alternative sex positive space.
It’s perfectly okay to be a straight guy and want anal sex
“I’m a man and I like anal sex. I don’t like men, so how can I get my girlfriend to do this to me? I have so far convinced her to accept that I like to dress sexy in feminine extras. Is there a fisting club or something like that?”
I never get tired of answering hundreds of such questions with the same answer: you can’t convince anyone to want something they don’t want. If your partner, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to try anal sex as the provider, you can’t convince her.
What you can do is help her better understand your need and this sexual activity so she can make an informed decision. If she has more context, that will help her get a better perspective. But it is in no way a guarantee that he will want to have anal sex with you afterwards.
The most useful tool for you is not the hygiene or aesthetics of anal sex, although these details can help. The best tool is vulnerability. That’s why you can ask yourself why you want anal sex so much. Is it physical pleasure? Is it a form of privacy? Is it an emotional need? Is it a kink that psychologically helps you experience things that you cannot experience through other forms of intimacy? All of these answers are correct and valid, and once you figure out which one applies to you, you can start the conversation.
It helps to start this conversation honestly and very vulnerably, directed at you as a couple. This can look something like: “I care a lot about you and our sexuality is very important to me. I trust you and that’s why I have the courage to discuss this topic with you. I would really like to try something new for us.”
This kind of discussion, where your partner understands what’s important to you in anal sex and how it can help you as a couple, is something that can help her be more open to giving anal sex. But I assure you that it will not be successful if you simply take her to a fisting club or go there without her, especially if you are in a monogamous relationship.
Not only is there nothing that specific here, but it’s also a huge leap from “I’d like to try something completely new with my partner who might be reluctant” to “fisting orgy.” When we introduce practices us, especially when they are something that the partner might not initiate, it is essential to start with small steps.
If she feels forced or simply “used” for a pleasure that is only yours, it is very possible that she will reject it or accept it with great reluctance and a lot of judgment. And no one should have to experience their sexuality like that.
What does friends with benefits actually mean?
“Statistically, the best sex is when there are no feelings or obligations. Am I right?”
It’s kind … more